A SPORTSFAN BEDTIME STORY.
March 30, 2001
by Bill Hogan

My youngest boy loves bedtime stories. The same, old bedtime stories. Over and over. Winnie the Pooh again? "Oh, bother". I needed new material.

A new story that would hold the interest of both a two-year-old child and a forty-year-old kid at heart.

Here it is. Feel free to read it to your children or your favorite insomniac sportsfan:

Once upon a time, 65 talented creatures, four legged and two legged, human and animal, bird and reptile, warrior and mystic, gathered in the magical land of the hard wood to determine a National Basketball Champion.

After weeks of exciting competition, only the four bravest remained, the Final Four. The Spartans, mighty warriors. Mystical fellows called the Blue Devils. The strong, agile Wildcats and plodding turtles known to all as the Terrapins.

The Spartans had no problem swatting the Hornets in the first round. Their next two opponents were both fiery Bulldogs. The mighty Spartans, with centuries of battle training, were too much for the dogs. The Spartans fourth game was a different story. With the crowd hooting for an upset, Coach John Chaney's Owls circled the arena like a Temple of doom. They sunk their talons into the mighty Spartan armor for forty minutes, but the gutsy Greek soldiers prevailed.

How would the brave and mighty Spartans fare against the cagey desert Wildcats?

All the while, the Terrapins from the land of Mary kept plodding along.

The swift and powerful desert Wildcats swept into the Midwest eager to pounce on all who stood in their way. The panthers from the north did not stand a chance against their fellow felines. The Bulldogs again were slaughtered. Claiming that "the Butler did it", they scampered home, tail between their legs. The Rebels, an able foe against a Yank, failed to strike fear into hard fighting Wildcats. Armed with offensive weapons better suited for a back woods battle, the Fighting Illini could not load and fire fast enough to stave off the carnivorous 'Cats.

Can these Wildcats overpower the fearless Spartan warriors?

All the while, the Terrapins from the land of Mary kept plodding along.

The red devil that we know is wicked and evil. The Blue Devils, however, are kind and courteous. They are smart and imaginative. They posses mystical powers that are often no match for man or beast. Their leader (we'll call him Coach "K") is cunning and skillful. He is a hard wood genius.

Hawks and Tigers and cuddly little Bruins are hapless against the wizardry of the Blue Devils and their masterful magicians Battier and Williams. The Trojans, years before, had snatched victory from certain defeat by hiding inside a large wooden horse. That would not work this time. The Blue Devils would not be tricked.

Will these hard wood wizards be lulled into defeat by the monotonous pace of a bony-shelled turtle?

All the while, the Terrapins from the land of Mary kept plodding along.

The Terrapins have already done what many said was impossible. The small, slow, methodical turtle beat the speedy Hare in a road race. The Terrapin has already done what many said was impossible. The small, slow, methodical turtle beat the number one creature in the land of hard court - the Cardinal.

Will the Terrapins from the land of Mary keep plodding along?

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