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November 2, 2001

by Bill Hogan



The NBA season opened Tuesday and all eyes were on Michael Jordan at Madison Square Garden.

My eyes were on avid Knick fan and courtside season ticket holder Spike Lee.


Spike gave one of his $1,600-per-game seats to the NBA for a charity auction. The proceeds were donated to the Uniformed Firefighters Association Widows' and Children's Fund.

The winning bid was $101,300. My first thought was the bidder must be one huge sportsfan. Then the anonymous buyer instructed the UFA to pick a child of a fallen firefighter to use the ticket. They did. And an excited 12-year-old girl from Brooklyn who lost her dad on 9/11 went to the game and saw Michael's return while sitting next to Spike Lee.

Way to go anonymous bidder. Way to go Spike Lee.

* * * * *

The event got me to thinking. What would have happened if some rich, thoughtless, loud, obnoxious sportsfan had gotten that ticket? How would he act? What would he say? More importantly, what would Spike do?

The evening might have gone something like this (Spike's in red, the obnoxious sportsfan is in blue):

Spike! Holy crap its you! When they told me I was going to be sitting next to some famous filmmaker, I was afraid they were talking about that freakin' Woody Allen. I hate Woody Allen. But I love your stuff, buddy. "He Got Game" was freakin' great.

Which seat do you want, Spike? Hey check it out, when I sit down, my freakin' big feet almost reach the court! I bet you don't have that problem, huh, little man (nudging Spike with his elbow).

Speaking of little men, whatever happened to that freakin' Mars Blackmon character? I loved that guy. Those old Nike commercials were great. Hey, you shoulda done a movie with that guy.

I did a Mars Blackmon movie. "She's Gotta Have It".

Good spot, Spike, (looking around the stands) who's gotta have it? For a hundred grand I was hoping this ticket came with some perks!

No, "She's Gotta Have It" is a movie I made with the character Mars Blackmon in 1986.

(Looking puzzled) well… she's gotta have what?

The game's starting.


You're a WIZARDS fan?

Na, I just love to watch that freakin' guy that does the Hanes commercials play - he's great.

You mean Michael Jordan?

Is he playing too? ALL RIGHT!

(Halfway through the first quarter) hey Spike, that Hanes guy doesn't look so good tonight.

I hope he does well, as long as the Knicks win.

You a Knicks fan Spikey?

(Pulling his hair out) see the eight-foot orange towel? See the oversized Latrell Spreewell jersey? Yes, I'm a Knicks fan, you....

Yea, I meant to say something about that jersey hanging down to your ankles - you know they sell them in smaller sizes at the concession stand up there.

This happens to be an authentic Latrell Spreewell jersey. He gave it to me himself.

Oh, (again looking puzzled) didn't he know your size?


(Halfway through the third quarter - obnoxious sportsfan is getting bored) Man, these are great seats - been able to get a beer every twenty minutes, that never happens. I'm thinking about getting some curly fries. Hey, Spikey - how are the curly fries?

I wouldn't know.

All the games you go to and you've never had curly fries? Huh. (Thinking to himself: must be one of those artsy things).

Arrrgh, I'm going to the bathroom.

'Bout time - I was wondering if you were ever going to go. Me, I've gone five times already, but then, I drink like an elephant and got a bladder the size of a peanut.

(Near the end of the game with the Knicks up by 2) hey Spikey, not for nothing, but if you whip that towel around and snap me behind the ear one more time I'm gonna have to rip your glasses off and poke you in the eye with this big foam finger.

(Game over) - hey Spike, thanks a lot, that was freakin' great. You got a lot of pull around here, you think you can get that Hanes guy to sign my shorts. The wife would just die if I come home with my skivvies signed by the Hanes guy.

You're welcome. And no.

Hey Spike, slow down I got one more question for you. How come that Danny Aeillo guy keeps popping up in your movies. What, do you owe him money or something?

Good night rich, thoughtless, loud, obnoxious sportsfan.

* * * * *

Once again. Way to go Spike Lee. And way to go anonymous bidder.


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